A JOURNEY FROM GUILT TO FREEDOM

This journey begins in a small town in Iran called Miankooh. It was here that my awareness and understanding of artistic sentiment emerged, through external stimuli, family life and its inherent dynamics. My household was semi-liberal, I was aware of my mother’s more conservative, religious worldview and those of my father which were more liberal. This dichotomy informed my own personal quest for seeking an identity beyond these influences and conformity, it also provoked an inquiry into the duality of things such as life inside and outside of the home. The pressure to conform in Iran was strong and was influenced by traditional, religious and political views. My quest for freedom and also forming any identity that was other, in opposition or left of centre required making conscious and often courageous choices. I have early memories of sneaking VHS tapes into the home with my family, these tapes were my first window and exposure to the world outside Iran and alternative ways of being.

At the age of twenty, my family and I moved to Isfahan, a large city with the vibrancy of tradition, religion and ancient Persian culture as well as a very modern, open-minded, intellectual and artistic scene. It was a place of full immersion into all kinds of artistic expression, reaching deep into the past alongside a very contemporary, global-centric attitude. This atmosphere gave me space to investigate multiple facets of my experiences and opinions as an emerging artist, as well as being drawn to explore the gap, the space that exists between polarities such as traditional vs contemporary, religious vs civil, masculine vs feminine.

Internet access was the next influence that opened new doors of perception and allowed me to secretly and discretely involve myself in a forbidden underground queer culture in Iran. I met Amir, my first love who introduced me to Iranian contemporary art. Joining this subcultural group exposed me to the personal freedom of others and the meaningful pursuit of art. I had started to cross the threshold from guilt and was coming to know freedom. In 2006 I met Arsham Parsi online who runs an organisation for Iranian queer refugees called IRQR from Canada and we began working together online to identify queer members in Isfahan in need. In late 2008 an uprising against the Islamic Regime was emerging through a political group called the Green Movement. I learned about the fundamentalist Islamic regime that has been systematically trying to invade the country since 1979. This gave me a deeper context to understand my own identity as a young middle-eastern queer man and how this influenced my freedom.

During 2009-2010, an extreme wave of arrests, executions and extreme violence began by the Islamic government as a backlash to the street riots and these events altered the course of my life. As an active member of the queer community, my very existence was threatened. Instead of pursuing my studies in Iran, it led me to seek asylum. I had the overwhelming impulse to hitchhike from Tabriz-Iran to Istanbul to meet Arsham Parsi from IRQR (Iranian Railroad for Queer Refugees) in person. Arsham helped my asylum application by taking me to one of UNHCR’s commissary offices in Turkey. I waited for seventeen months in Istanbul before I was granted a visa to a new life in Melbourne.

My first year in Australia was a lesson in culture shock and was a sharp experience in freedom. A society and a structure of being which was the ‘other’. Freedom of thought, of movement, of expression. This had a significant impact on my art practice, I moved from graphic design to a cross-pollination of photography, film and music - with all of it now culminating in my contemporary art practice, I have discovered vitality and a voice - both challenging and rewarding. Living here has sculpted my personality in many ways, facilitating a more expansive, self-aware version of myself as a person and as an artist.

My journey from guilt to freedom and early experiences in Iran is a source of artistic inspiration which I draw on, rather than blame or wish it was different I have embraced my experience and recognise my growth as a free being. I am a multicultural, queer, stateless artist where the concept of home, for me, over time becomes an ever-expanding proposition or idea.